My alarm went off at 3:20 this morning. I shoved the sweatshirt I slept in back in my duffle bag and tugged my hair into a ponytail. A 5:15 flight out of Texas meant I was at my office desk in North Carolina filing invoices by 9:20.
In a Dallas airport gift shop my eyes caught on a book cover titled “You’ll Get Through This.” Seems logical.
I’ve been to too many funerals lately. People tell you their purpose is for the living to celebrate the dead and grieve together. But I think that like a lot of ceremonies in modern culture, they’re just mostly tradition that we don’t know how to break.
I prefer my grieving the way it was last week, when my dad and I went for a long swim and he talked about his mom and my tears mingled with the salt water on my cheeks. Or the other night on a run when they mixed with my sweat until I stopped on my steps and buried my face in Pawley’s thick fur and allowed myself to imagine the sound of her voice.
I hate the tightness of funerals. The feeling of holding it in. People share touching stories and I force myself to count the petals on a rose in the flower arrangement or think about a grocery list. Anything not to think about how much she would have loved to have been gathered with this group. Anything not to think about how deeply this is hurting people I love. Anything not to think about the finality of death.
The truth is, of course, that the book title is right. You’ll get through this. Everyone does and has for thousands of years. You’ll eventually find the balance of grieving and moving forward. And you’ll go back to work and to play and one day you’ll be surprised it hurt this much because you can’t even remember what that feels like.
I’d say I wished that day was today. But I think that if there is one (albeit small) benefit to funerals, it’s that they do remind you to savor every moment of this brief life. So I’m doing that. Because sometimes even hard days are good days.
Happy thoughts from Katie to kick off your week. (via thequotablekatieblog)
This is another blog I write sometimes. Which is to say, I basically take dictation from my friend Katie and put it into blog form.
“I told you that writing was like boxing, but it’s also like running. That’s why I keep sending you out to pound the pavement: If you have the moral courage to run a long way, in the rain, in the cold, if you have the strength to keep going until the end, to give it all you have and to reach your goal, then you’re capable of writing a book. Never let fear or fatigue stop you. On the contrary: You should use them to help you keep going.”
-Joel Dicker, The Truth About the Harry Quebert Affair
Obsessed with this book.