I have some important lessons to impart.
Today after lunch I wanted chocolate. So, I walked to the sketchy vending machine/soap opera watching room on my floor. Just as I was about to go in the door, I noticed that an editor I owe a story to was in the room, so I walked on. (Lesson #1: Conflict is best avoided by simply avoiding human interaction and pretending you don’t see someone.)
I headed to the floor beneath mine, which also has vending machines. There, I put the $1.25 into the machine for the ludicrously priced chocolate and pushed the button. It became stuck on it’s way down. So, I punched and shook the machine. (Lesson #2: You may look like a real fatty in front of your coworkers when punching a vending machine, but this doesn’t matter. What matters is candy.)
Unfortunately, that vending machine was like the Fort Knox of processed food. And my bag of chocolate was still stuck inside. And no amount of trying to act casual and not panicked when hitting it was convincing the bystanders. So, I returned to my desk, collected more money and hurried back downstairs. (Lesson #3: Never, never, never give up. I think I’m the first person to say this quote. Right?)
This time I put in the number for the exact same thing. It pushed my candy out, but left another bag hovering there. I’d paid $2.50 for like four pieces of chocolate, but I didn’t even care. (Lesson #4: Sometimes give up. If you have chocolate and there are people who have been watching you punch a vending machine for 15 minutes, it’s time to give up.)
And this concludes Thursday’s story time. I hope it’s been useful.