"The last time I saw you encounter a nice bottle...
- email excerpt from my brother. He has a lovely way with words when it comes to describing his thoughts on me.
On every press trip I’ve ever been on, there are two types of people: There are those who babble on and on about how wonderful and amazing every single thing is and then there are those engage daily in what I refer to as a grand travel-story pissing match. It’s inevitable that both types are on trips. Occasionally, someone will deviate (I like to think of myself as being somewhere in...
Ginger cats are rapists.
My apologies ahead of time for the profanity (especially to my mother), but this was too good to pass up posting. (Thanks Chris for the link) God dammit. I hate you cat. I hate you so much. You’re raping a weener dog! They’re like living cartoons, and you’re raping one. It’s like pure evil descended upon pure happiness and joy. You son of a bitch ginger cat!
I like having you around because then I feel smart.– my co worker. It’s been one of those days.
The News of Late
There are weeks when the news tends to be seriously boring. You know the ones; The New York Times starts running random stories about dog packs in Georgia or crazy people in Texas and they don’t stop because THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT. Not this week. I feel like I can’t check cnn.com enough times in a day to keep me up to date on what people are talking about. I missed one...
"Sarah, I really love what you're doing with your...
- my 91-year-old grandmother, in her very southern way, comments on the fact that it might be time for me to refresh my highlights.
My dad is a periodontist (type of dentist). Also, his slang knowledge ended in the late 70's.
My dad: I thought she was cute.
Me: Really? You thought she was cute? Seriously?
My dad: Yeah, I did. You didn't?
Me: I thought she was busted.
My dad: You thought she was what?
My dad: What?
My dad: What?
My dad: I mean, I could see where she could use a little prosthodontic care with her palate, but I don't know about bucktooth.
Sometimes I hear other people’s stories and then I wish they had happened to me because they’re so good that I wish I could tell them as my own. This is one of those: Someone I know (who shall remain nameless) was walking his dog, Hank, the other day. Hank is a German Shepherd mix and is still kind of a puppy. As he walked up the street, he looked behind him to see this guy. (Better...
What is the quality you most like in a woman? High-spiritedness, wit, a love of...– I’m only about, oh, 40 years too late, for Garrison Keillor, who answered this Proust Questionaire in Vanity Fair. Like ships passing in the night… and all that, you know?
Just another Thursday night phone call.
Friend: I'm so hungry! I'm hungry! I'm hungry! I almost got arrested!!!
Friend: What's going on?! Wait! What's going on!? Where are you going?
Me: Sounds like you're having fun.
Friend: It's so loud!!! I misssss you.
Friend: Some cop almost arrested me for drinking. Did you know drinking is illegal?
Me: I wasn't aware.
Friend: Tooo much vodka. I'm soooo drunk.
Me: I had no idea.
Stranger Slaps Loud Baby in Wal-Mart →
I know it’s so wrong, but the first thing I thought when I read this article was “It’s about time someone did that.” I can’t count the number of screaming toddlers in Wal-Mart I’ve considered slapping. Of course, the best thing about this article is actually the photo of the alleged slapper. He appears to actually be growling at the camera—still angry, no doubt,...
So I’m tryin’ now while I’m rhymin’ not to brag about the island Or the crib in Hawaii where all the walls slide in House wide open, we could bring the outside in I think you should hear about it, but f*** it, I’ll be quiet I just spit it how I live it, I don’t be lyin’ Would it make you feel better if I put my pockets on the die? If I made less money, started to dress bummy? Would the haters and...
This morning I called my mom on the way to work. The first time I called it was busy. I tried back a minute later and it rang.
My mom: Hey! Did you just call?
Me: Yeah, I did. Why?
My mom: Well, we switched our phone service because I found one that would save us $40 a month. The guy told me our new one would be the same as the old, but I think we might have call waiting.
Me: Oh no.
(Note: In 2004, somehow my parents accidentally got call waiting. It was a disaster. You couldn’t get through 30 seconds of a phone call without them saying “Oh wait! Gotta go! Someone’s calling!” Then, of course, the someone would be a salesperson or the electrician or someone equally boring. So, they’d call back 5 minutes later after you’d already starting doing something else and they would want to keep talking. Of course, what was worse than that was when I would call them, they would hang up on someone else to talk to me, and then as soon as I said hello, they’d say “Sorry! Can’t talk right now! We were on the phone with your brother!”
It was a learning experience. I learned that some people are not meant to have call waiting and those people are my parents. I was thrilled once they ended the service.)
My mom: I know! I hate call waiting! It’s so rude. I don’t know how we got signed up for this.
Me: Yeah. Maybe you should try to get rid of it.
My mom: I definitely am. So, are you excited about going on vacation for a few days this— wait! Wait! I have an incoming call. I think it might be your dad because I just called him. I’m going to go ahead and talk to him. I’ll talk to you later! Have a—
Me: What?!?! You said you didn’t want call waiting! Don’t hang up on me!
My mom: Oh yeah. But I needed to talk to him.
Me: You have a problem. Get rid of the call waiting. We’re not doing this again.
I’m all moved in. After weeks of unpacking heavy boxes, yelling at my dachshund to stay away from wet paint, and doing very cliché-ish things like repeatedly hitting my thumb with a hammer, my house has become a home. Sometimes it feels bittersweet though. As was well documented here in this blog, I had many hesitations about purchasing a home. I was afraid of the commitment. I was nervous about...
Ok, so, not to be bossy, but you should read this article: Strained by Katrina, a Hospital Faces Deadly Choices I’d wanted to read it for awhile after seeing this and this written about it. Apparently there is some debate as to how much it cost to actually produce this article. Regardless, I think it’s one of the best magazine articles I’ve ever read. It’s well...