June 2010
52 posts
“It’s gotten to the point where the only thing I can think about is biting...”
– My co-worker. At 5:30 p.m. today.
This pretty much epitomizes all sound bites from our office anytime after 5.
My friend Katie called me tonight as I was situating my new sprinkler in my front yard. Some days I feel like I am one trip to Bed, Bath & Beyond away from permanently establishing myself as my own worst nightmare. Today was one of those days.
Me: I've finished setting up the sprinkler in the front yard.
Katie: Well Sarah, that's great. Big night.
Me: I know. My grass is going to be so green.
Katie: Uh huh. You're so cool.
Me: Oh no. It just occurred to me. Is watering your yard with a sprinkler like some kind of old person in suburbia kind of thing to do? Am I passing some kind of benchmark and I didn't even realize it? I am, aren't I?
Katie: No Sarah. Don't worry. Until you're standing out there with your hands on your hips watching it go around in circles, you don't have a problem.
Me (dropping my hand off my hip): I think I may have a problem.
So, I have an obsession with Friends.
That’s really the only way to describe it. I’ve watched the show since I planned my nights around it coming on. I own all ten seasons on DVD. I can quote most episodes word for word. I constantly have to restrain myself from comparing every single real life situation to something that happened once on Friends. My parents refer to Joey, Monica,...
Father/Daughter Bonding
My dad: So apparently everyone is watching all of this soccer stuff and it's what all men everywhere are talking about. I need you to refresh my memory on some rules and help me out here. I need to show I am a man with, you know, plenty of testosterone and stuff.
Me: Ok. So, first tip to showing you're a man is never asking your DAUGHTER the rules to a sports game.
My dad: Fine. I'm not asking. I'm telling you to tell me the rules. Manly enough?
“Everyone is getting engaged all around you. Other girls are tearfully lamenting,...”
– Welcome to my next column topic (via bblove)
Yes. This.
After my junior year of high school, I spent my summer studying in France. This statement sounds kind of idyllic when I throw it out like that, but in actuality, the summer had its highs and lows. I’d always had a tendency to get homesick so I’m not really sure why I thought spending the summer on the other side of the Atlantic would work well for me. But I went. I was the youngest in...
Bigfoot Spotted →
I grew up in the county where this happened. In fact, from my childhood bedroom window I can see the mountains where Bigfoot was allegedly spotted.
I’d like to say I find it surprising that someone in Cleveland County is claiming to have seen the legendary animal. Or even that it’s surprising that this isn’t the first time and that there were actually a rash of sightings in the...
This morning, as I was still curled up in bed, my mom called, saying she was on her way to Charlotte and asking if I wanted to grab lunch. The benefit of having parents this close to where I live are things like spontaneous lunches on sunny Sunday afternoons. Unfortunately, the downfall is that sometimes those Sunday afternoons follow late Saturday nights that make the idea of doing things like...
“I had to go through my cell phone and erase texts from last night just in case...”
– Filing this paranoid early Saturday morning quote under “things that indicate last night got out of hand.”
“I always tell the girls, never take it seriously. If you never take it...”
– Penny Lane, Almost Famous
I’m working on an article about a band this weekend. William Miller is my inspiration.
So, I have poison ivy. I’m not exactly sure how this happened, but if I was going to blame someone it would probably be a certain four-inch-tall dog who goes romping through woods and then jumps on top of me. When most people get poison ivy, they simply throw some anti-itch lotion on there, take a benedryl, and call it a day. Not so for me. I don’t do poison ivy reactions half assed....
I have an apology to make and it feels appropriate that I should do it in this forum as yesterday I gloated about my Chick-fil-A glory in this space. On Thanksgiving Day of 2009, I was in the car with my parents and brother, driving to Atlanta. My brother casually asked if I’d tried the Spicy Chicken Sandwich from Chick-fil-A. I told him not to be an idiot, there was no such thing. I may...
1 tag
I’m trying to coordinate how my friend Laura and I will be meeting up with my brother the first night we’re in London. It will be a Friday and I will have arrived there that morning. My brother’s flight gets into Gatwick at 10:45 that night from Vienna. Meaning if he gets into the city before midnight, we’ll be lucky.
So I emailed and asked: “You think you’ll...
Hello, Good Morning Remix
Because the only thing...
Colleges Extend the Welcome Mat to Students’ Pets →
So, apparently some colleges are making it easier for students to have pets in their dorms. My initial reaction to this was “Wow. I went to college 10 years too early. I want to do college over again with a dachshund.” Then, I thought about it realistically and realized that having a pet in college would have in no way been beneficial to me or the pet.
In fact, I had an illegal pet in...
I have an opinion that I fear may be largely unpopular, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about. In the last several weeks I’ve watched/listened/read as the oil spill in the Gulf has shifted from a terrible tragedy that killed 11 workers to an environmental disaster detrimental to hundreds of thousands of people and animals and then finally to an evil occurrence whose blame lies directly at...
“I can’t think of anything better to do right now than to sit in my backyard and...”
– Garrison Keillor (via caro)
Vodka Shots Through Your Eyeballs →
This sounds mildly more painful than the whole “icing” thing. Warm Smirnoff chugging or vodka in your eyes? Hard call.
This actually reminds me of something. And so, a story:
When I was a senior in college I went on a cruise with what felt like half of my graduating class. I roomed in teeny room with three friends who happened to be three of the most insane people I knew....
My mom has a pet snake. Well, not so much a pet as a snake she has named who lives on her front porch. The snake’s name is Herman and apparently, according to my mom, Herman is approximately seven feet long. Also, according to my mom, he’s a black snake who enjoys stretching out across the warm stone of the front steps in late afternoons and curling up under the hanging plants for a...
