• I had big plans for blogging today. I was going to tell you all about my sweet little brother. He turned 26 today and I was going to tell you what a smart, wonderful, and kind brother he has been to me. Then he called me tonight.
  • Everett: So I was flipping through the channels on TV the other day and I stopped because there was this one of this big fat woman sitting on the toilet, moaning, and grunting.
  • Me: Of course.
  • Everett: Right. So it turns out it was a like a simulated flashback and she was telling the story of how she all the sudden heard something crying and realized she’d had a baby.
  • Me: Oh. That’s terrible.
  • Everett: Yeah, the terrible part was that she was like “What’s that crying?” and then she lifted up her leg and saw it. And she kept being like “This was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.” Like she’d had other experiences that were just as traumatic as crapping out a baby.
  • Me: Um. While I’m really enjoying this story, I am actually at work and should probably get back to that.
  • Everett: Ok. But, I mean, don’t you think that really what is most traumatic here is not that she had a baby in the toilet, but that her vagina must be the size of a Mack truck? Like, the baby just fell out.
  • Me: Aaaand now I’m definitely going back to work.
  • So there you have it folks. My brother. Smart, wonderful, kind, and full of useful gynecological information. Happy Birthday bro.
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