This morning I locked myself out of my house. It was 8:30 a.m. and I was cold and hungry and separated from my iPhone. My own personal hell.
The real problem came in that I used to have like eight friends with my key (locking myself out was a bit of a habit for awhile there). But then I changed my locks and now I only had one. And she was an hour away. So, I borrowed my neighbor’s phone and begged her to come. Then I walked back over to my house to figure out how to pass an hour wearing only a thin dress in 30 degree weather.
I discovered that my car was unlocked. I imagine this is what people in post-apocalyptic times will feel like when they find pantries of food not damaged by the nuclear holocaust. I immediately began rummaging around and came up with $1.20 in change. It occurred to me that in a post-apocalyptic world I’m not going to do very well. I have no cash. And get inexplicably ravenously hungry as soon as I don’t have access to food. I’ll be selling myself for a cheeseburger like 14 seconds after the apocalypse.
Speaking of cheeseburgers, there’s a McDonald’s down the street from me. They have a Dollar menu. I think you see where this is going. I left a note on my door reading “went to McDonald’s to get warm,” crossed my fingers my friend would see it before the postman, and walked down the street.
At McDonald’s I spent considerable time deciding between the sausage burrito (which I wanted, but was only 300 calories) and the sausage biscuit (which looked kind of gross, but at 480 calories would sustain life longer). Eventually, I went with the burrito and slid my $1.06 in nickels across the counter.
On my trek back to my house I thought a lot about my iPhone and how I missed it. Not just for its contact to the outside world, but because I’m unable to tell time by the sun’s position in the sky and despite knowing that it was really f’ing cold, I was curious as to what exact temp I was surviving in right now.
A few minutes later my friend arrived. And immediately mocked my McDonald’s note. But I feel that I learned a lot today. Mostly that I am not equipped to live in a world without heat and email. But also other really important things like that McDonald’s makes pretty good sausage burritos.
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- mysocalledttclife said: Ahh a classic Sarah story. I miss you :).
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